|Posted by Jennifer Mata on March 10, 2016 at 11:50 AM|
As the Lenten season was about to begin, I received an email from my parish, offering a Good News People experience for those interested in participating. It's a 14-week experience in which we meet once a week, with a small-group of others also interested in renewing their faith and in being good news disciples. I thought it might just be what I've been looking for, in terms of rekindling my connection with the spiritual realm and refuiling my faith. So I decided to join.
We are currently on week 4. Each week we work on a virtue. Thurs far we have worked on Love, Something and Faith. For this week, week 4, we were working with Humility. I'm not sure if I have shared this here before, but I came to the realization, some years back, that my overall learning goal and perhaps spiritual homework, was to be more humble. Thus I was excited that I serendipituosly had signed up to share my story this week, the week we explore humility.
We have been exploring other, saintly people's stories. We have watched videos and read about their troubles and how they reinvented themself, some through redemtion, into people of good news. And from week 3 forward, we were called, each on a different week, to share our own stories. This week, I shared mine with them and now I'm sharing it here with you as well. This is my story, at least one of them.
"My story is the story of a little girl, the little girl I used to be and the little girl who still lives within the woman I’ve become. My story is more of a memory, a recollection, than a story. My story is a little piece, or perhaps a brief summary of what my life has been about. If I had to sum up my childhood experience, I would say it was overall pleasant. That’s how most around me would remember it anyway. For me though, my childhood was intricate, filled with questions and discoveries, filled with wonder and wondering about the bigger, more significant questions in life, at least significant to me. Why are we here? What is our purpose? Why? Why? Why?
As a little girl, I kept to myself a lot. I have an older sister and she was there, but not really. She wasn’t much of friend to me back then. She is a very good friend of mine now, but when we were growing up she was a bit mean and unkind and didn’t really want me around. So I kept to myself. You might already know this about me, or perhaps not. I am an introvert. I like to be alone. Me, myself, and I, kind of scenario. But you see, as a child, I was never truly alone. I lived and played in an imaginary world I had created for myself. I had invisible friends; not one clearly constructed one, but random “others” I talked to.
The adults around me found this amusing. They would try to “catch” me talking to myself. So when I noticed that, I hid it more so than before. I came to understand it wasn’t something considered “normal”, so I kept it hidden. The thing is, my imaginary companions and my conversations with “myself” were not only with random “others”, they were more often than not with something grander, an entity wiser than I would ever be. And the conversations with that entity, which with time, I called my guardian angel, were enlightening, soul touching and helped me cope with, and understand life as it was happening around me.
As an adult I still have that connection with that “otherness”. I think there are more entities that just the one “guardian angel” I had as a child. I now can “talk” to God directly, to the Virgin Mary and to whomever really I would like to access in the spiritual realm. It doesn’t come as naturally to me as it did when I was child. It sometimes does not fit into my work-filled days, and tasks-ridden evenings. It’s not something my husband, with whom I’ve spent the most of my time these past 6 years practices, or finds “normal” either. Thus, I’ve stopped doing it on the regular.
I miss it though. I miss my insightful conversation. I miss my “aha moments” when I needed them the most. I miss talking to those “others” who are much wiser than I will ever be, and show me the light and the way out in situations in which I feel myself in doubt, uncertain or just plain drowning. I miss the little girl I used to be, before adults around me tried to, unknowingly, cripple that connection with the spiritual realm.
As an adult now, I’ve felt my task in order to better myself spiritually, is to learn to become more humble. Which makes this week’s theme of Humility so fitting. In being humble I was able to connect before. In being humble I am able to connect today at a physical level with others. In being humble I grow as a human being and as a spiritual being. But I have a long way to go back to the little girl, who had the gift of connecting to the otherness that is Spirit. Thus, humility, which I am not great at, is my goal, my journey, my life."